Ahhhh! I’ve been tagged.
You Facebook groupies know what I’m talking about the “25 Random Things About Me” meme that you can’t help but get sucked into after seeing that random coworkers and classmates you haven’t seen in fifteen years have been tagged by other random coworkers and classmates you haven’t seen in fifteen years. I’ve been dodging for days, then boom, out of nowhere – my friend Uncommon Al, and, gasp, Spider-Husband caught me – and twice in the same week no less. And, since I actually like them both, I now must play along.
Rules: Once you’ve been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it’s because I want to know more about you.
In completely random order:
1. I can walk you through the entire wastewater treatment process. From the headwaters to the bioroughing towers to the release of effluent, I’ve seen it, I’ve smelt it, and on a few less than stellar moments, have stood in it.
2. I’m not exactly what you’d call an animal person, but today is not the first day that I’ve woken up to find a Shepherd Chow wedged in between me and Spider-Husband, head on the pillow and all, with another beast to my left licking my face like a Charms Blow Pop, and thought to myself, “These hounds totally rock.”
3. I was born during a tornado. I’m told my mother was saluted by a National Guardsman as she was wheeled down the hall toward delivery. He’s lucky she didn’t flip him off after enduring Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride to get to the hospital before I popped out.
4. When we were little, my sisters and I use to pretend like we were on The Love Boat and dating members of the crew. Christina was in love with Gopher. Lynnette liked Isaac. And, I had a thing for Doc. Yes, Doc. We used to smash potato chips on our bologna sandwiches and pretend like we were eating French cuisine on the Lido Deck, ’cause naturally foreign food is bound to be crunchy. Duh.
5. I make an uncontrollable, obnoxious nonetheless, squeaking noise when I laugh too hard.
6. I was a double major in college – Journalism and History.
7. I once had a complete stranger ask me if my ass was store bought or homegrown, and to this day, I still have no clue what that means. That’s probably for the best.
8. My mom is a total rock star. Being a single mom, she gave up a lot over the years to make sure my brother and I had not just the things we needed, but also, the things we wanted. And as I get older and realize what it means to be an adult with responsibilities beyond myself, that means a little more to me each day. She is one of the kindest, funniest, and most amazing women I know, and I couldn’t be who I am today without having her help along the way.
9. I paper punched a hole in the bottom of my brother’s “Miami Mice” t-shirt when I was eleven just to see if a paper puncher would work on clothes. It works surprisingly well.
10. My umbrella was destroyed while I walked to my American Lit final at Purdue in the pouring rain. By the time I made it to the exam, I was soaked to the core, had mascara running down my face, and couldn’t stop shivering. To make matters worse, I reached up to wring my hair out only to discover that a bird had totally crapped in my hair. Two hours later I turned in a soggy blue book with ink pen smears rendering most of my answers illegible and pigeon shit on the top left corner. I got an”A”, so let that be a lesson unto all you youngsters out there.
11. I compulsively check my alarm clock before I go to bed at night and will only rely on my cell phone alarm to wake me up when I travel.
12. I have a thing for reality TV – Survivor, American Idol, Project Runway, America’s Next Top Model, Jon and Kate Plus 8, What Not to Wear – you name it, I’ve probably seen it.
13. I can’t stop myself from busting a move whenever I hear the Notorious B.I.G.’s “Hypnotize” – Biggie, Biggie, Biggie can’t you see?
14. I have a constant feeling of guilt for not forcing my dad to go to the hospital when he told me he’d been having really bad heartburn for a few weeks and needed to get a prescription for Pepcid like all his friends were taking. I giggled and told him it sucks to be an old man, then teased him about how grey his hair had gotten. He died from a heart attack two days later.
15. I don’t like coffee or tea.
16. The last five songs I listened to on my iPod are: Kate Bush’s “Running Up That Hill”, 50 Cent’s “Hate It or Love It”, Cake’s “The Distance”, The Clash’s “Rock the Casbah”, and ABBA’s “Lay All Your Love on Me”.
17. Best concert ever: Fleetwood Mac from the fourth row.
18. I have huge self-confidence issues, especially when it comes to how I look.
19. My Grandma traumatized me in college after sharing that she didn’t much care if Grandpa watched dirty movies “as long as it kept him off of her.” Whoa! TMI, there Grandma. You can’t come back from something like that.
20. I can twirl a baton.
21. I never put much stock in fairy tale romances with white knights and love at first sight, damsels in distress, and fair princes that rush in to save the day. My husband changed that. And, boy, am I a believer. Before we met, I was in a really bad place thinking some really bad thoughts, and out of nowhere, he appeared. He took a chance on a girl he barely knew and asked for a date he barely wanted. We’ve been together ever since.
22. I like books. I mean I really, really like books.
23. I’ve broken the same ankle three times and not in glorious ways – tripping while carrying a watermelon at a special event I was running for work, falling in a pothole while walking back to my college dorm in the middle of the night, and perhaps the most embarassing, slipping on a wet ramp while trying to board a ride at the Indiana State Fair while on a date with the Spider-Husband-to-be.
24. I’ve planned all the landscaping for our yard, and I’ve done a bang up job, if I must say so myself. Take that Frank’s Nursery and Crafts.
25. My first car was a rusted out 1988 Ford Mustang with a leaky sunroof that I caulked completely shut after one too many trips to school with a towel draped over my head. A little caulk goes a long way, sweetcheeks.
Filed under: The Disaster Twins, The SpiderHusband | Tags: dog bath, ShamWow!, Vince, wet dog
Lest you think my brother was the only one to receive a straight outta’ the infomercial product for Christmas this year, I give you the ShamWow! - the chamois/towel/sponge that is only available on TV, yet ironically, has been spotted at the Walgreens just down the street.
Spider-Husband was seriously excited when he opened his very own box of ShamWows this Christmas courtesy of my mom. Not generally one to be moved by television advertisements of any kind, Spider-Husband was quite taken with the ShamWows! product and came dangerously close to buying a box for himself when he spotted the display at the drugstore. By some freak wave of infomercial intuition, my mom somehow sensed that this was one thing that Spider-Husband’s life was missing and picked the gift out all on her own.
We busted them out this weekend and decided that Lombardi would, of course, be the best judge of ShamWow!’s effectiveness. After all, ‘Bardi can hold 20X her weight in liquid, too.
We’re not positive exactly what that look means, but I can tell you Lombardi bore a stunning resemblance to Vince from ShamWow! after being toweled off.
So, if you’re end goal is a wicked awesome mohawk, ‘Bardi says ShamChow! everytime.
We recently found out that Spider-Husband’s Gramma’ B is in the hospital for pneumonia again. Winter is always a rough time for her, and unfortunately, in recent years, she’s had to celebrate her birthday, which is on New Year’s Eve, in a hospital bed. Spider-Husband and I went to see her a couple days ago, but I’m still getting over a cold so I opted to stay in the car while he ran into visit and thus missed what might be my favorite Gramma’ B moment ever.
Spider-Husband: What have you been doing?
Gramma’ B: Not much. I’ve been watching this show about Paula Abdul.
Spider-Husband: Oh yeah?
(Clearly stunned since neither of us knew “Hey Paula” was still on the air and are a little horrified that Bravo thought the holiday season was the ideal time to show reruns of the total reality trainwreck. ‘Cause nothing fills the heart with Christmas joy like lots of crying, over the top drama, and near nervous celebrity breakdowns.)
Gramma’ B: Poor, poor Paula. She just works so hard and does so much and she’s so hungry and no one will give her any food.
(Which, of course, begs the questions, “What in the hell are you talking about?” and “Where exactly is Paula that she can’t find any sustenance?”)
Spider-Husband: Oh. Um. OK.
Now at a complete loss for words, my husband politely finished his visit then headed to the car to get me up to speed on Paula’s dietary needs. We both cracked up hysterically, chalked it up to Gramma’ B’s meds, and figured that was the most likely the extent of Gramma’ B’s fascination with Paula and her plight. And, then a few hours later, the phone rang…
Gramma’ B: I wanted to ask you something. Is Paula’s last name Jabbar?
Spider-Husband: You mean like Kareem Abdul-Jabbar?
Gramma’ B: Yes.
Spider-Husband: Uh, no. And, his real name is Lew Alcindor, but he changed it to Kareem Abdul-Jabbar when he became a Muslim.
Gramma’ B: Huh.
Spider-Husband: They aren’t related, Gramma’.
Gramma’ B: Alright. ’Cause I just wondered.
