The Blonde Leading the Blind

Take one Nicholas Sparks-inspired romantic tragedy with a plot line jumping from a chance encounter at a remote seaside inn to wild horses to botched plastic surgery to Ecuadorian mudslides to, wait, “isn’t that the Green Goblin’s son?”, and back.

Add a so-horrible-it’s-hysterical mockumentary starring Bruce Campbell, of Old Spice and Evil Dead fame, battling it out with Guan-di, the ancient protector of bean curd, to save the townsfolk of Gold Lick, Oregon.

Don’t forget a couple of Taco Bell value meals.

Best. Valentine’s Day. Ever.

Yes, we have become those kind of people.