Filed under: The Adventures, The Disaster Twins, The Family, The Yard | Tags: building a fence, dogs running free, fence
Spider-Husband and I have contemplated getting a fence ever since the first winter of Chow-Chow, where the Blonde family spent many a midnight fighting off frostbite and questioning why we thought getting dogs was a good idea while the Disaster Twins took turns circling around the yard looking for that one special spot where the serious business could be done. And, while the circling patterns have differed and the spots may have changed through the years, our fear of hypothermia and cursing through our clattering teeth has not.
But, still we have endured.
Well, until this spring, when the rest of our phase of the subdivision is being finished, including the building of a new house that sits behind our lot and will soon contain a home whose back corner is approximately six feet from our property line. ’Cause really…who needs a backyard? Thus, Spider-Husband has spent the past few weeks obtaining building permits, getting cost estimates, scheduling survey appointments, and picking out the perfect post toppers for our latest unexpected investment.
Last Friday was the big day. Spider-Husband took the day off since I was in Boston for a business trip, which is probably for the best since I’m sure I would have had a meltdown when forced to hand over the credit card to pay for the little project. And, I admit as I drove home from the Indianapolis airport, I was still a little uneasy about spending the money, worried that we’d made the wrong decision, and frustrated that we even felt like we needed a fence because of someone else’s decision to build as close to the property lines as possible.
Until…
I swear I had a hot flash of maternal pride – something like I imagine a parent must feel when they see their child doing something that makes them truly happy for the very first time.
Oh, Hal. Oh, Bard. You made Mommy’s day.
Filed under: The Adventures, The Blonde, The Flicks, The Husband | Tags: Billy Crudup, movie surprises, Watchmen
Had Spider-Husband and I written our own vows for our wedding day, his list would no doubt have included a “to attend opening weekend of all comic book-based films and to strive to understand the deeper symbolism and life lessons bestowed upon us by the hardships endured by superheroes everywhere” somewhere in the text…probably right after the whole loving and cherishing stuff. So it was with great excitement and the standard distrust my husband, the Marvel man, reserves for all things DC that we headed to a matinee showing of the long-awaited “Watchmen” release this weekend.
Potential spoiler alert…aka a tidbit someone could have let me in on in before the film started.
Watch men, indeed. Coulda’ named the movie “Watch Billy Crudup’s Glowing Blue Penis at 2000 Times It’s Natural Size” and given us all a little heads up, so to speak, so that one could at least brace themselves before seeing that bad boy light up the big screen. In all fairness, it’s not as if I came unprepared. And, a prude I am not. I read reviews. I knew the film barely qualified for its “R” rating. I was ready for the extreme acts of violence. And, I’d even vowed not to wince when “Hey! Isnt’ that Denny from Grey’s Anatomy?” gets snuffed in the opening scene. But, Dr. Manhattan’s member dangling in my face for over 160 minutes…well, let’s just say I didn’t see that coming.
Apparently neither did the multiple families in the theater, who after seeing the very dark previews on TV coupled with the big ol’ “No one under the age of 17 admitted without a parent or guardian” rating, still thought this was the perfect family film to take their grade-school children to on a nice Saturday afternoon. Seriously. It did provide interesting pre-movie banter for Spider-Husband and me as we laid out our bets for how many shootings, assaults, and graphic murders it would take before Mom or Dad ran out of the theater rapidly dragging their horrified 8-year-olds along by the arm. Had we know real-live penis was involved, we definitely would have upped the stakes. But, as it turns out, there are few things in this world that would cause a Midwestern Mom and Dad in the middle of an economic recession to sacrifice that eight-buck-a-head cost of admission. Not even a big blue dick. Every single one of ‘em rode it out. To the end, baby. Seriously.
So in summary…fantastic opening credit sequence, graphic violence, penis, penis, very intriguing plot line, random violence, more graphic violence, penis, penis, the plot continues to thicken, penis, gratuitous violence, penis, whoa – didn’t see that coming, penis AND violence, penis, bizarre plot twist, outright human destruction, subtle violence, penis, penis, penis, and rockin’ cover of Bob Dylan’s “Desolation Row” to close the show. So, really, how can you go wrong with a plot line like that?
Who’s watching the “Watchmen”, you ask?
It’s totally me. Couldn’t look away, even if I’d tried.
Filed under: The Adventures, The Blonde, The Husband | Tags: My Name is Bruce, Nights in Rodanthe, Taco Bell, Valentine's Day
Take one Nicholas Sparks-inspired romantic tragedy with a plot line jumping from a chance encounter at a remote seaside inn to wild horses to botched plastic surgery to Ecuadorian mudslides to, wait, “isn’t that the Green Goblin’s son?”, and back.
Add a so-horrible-it’s-hysterical mockumentary starring Bruce Campbell, of Old Spice and Evil Dead fame, battling it out with Guan-di, the ancient protector of bean curd, to save the townsfolk of Gold Lick, Oregon.
Don’t forget a couple of Taco Bell value meals.
Best. Valentine’s Day. Ever.
Yes, we have become those kind of people.
Filed under: The Adventures, The Disaster Twins, The Family | Tags: 3D glasses, Halas, Lombardi, Noah, Superbowl Sunday
So, I realize it’s well over a week past the Superbowl and that no one is particularly concerned with what the Blonde family did to mark the momentous occasion.
But, my totally-on-her-game mother-in-law was kind enough to pick up the much-hyped 3D glasses for the “Monsters vs. Aliens” halftime preview that I managed to forget on three subsequent trips to the grocery store. And, all she asked in return was the promise of a least one picture with all four of us all geared up for the Monstrous 3D Event…which everyone knows is the only reason I agreed to watch the game in the first place this year.
This little gem is all yours, Connie.
That’s a fine piece of photo composition there, eh?
Spider-Husband was able to snag a halfway decent shot of the three of us which may or may not have been, in part, possible thanks to the wonders of Scotch packing tape. I’m just saying.
And, lest Halas and Lombardi be the only hounds humilated in this post, I give you their canine cousin, Noah, or as his Aunt Blonde likes to call him “No, No”, who scored a touchdown of his own…
…then headed immediately upstairs to take a celebratory whiz all over the Blonde’s freshly washed comforter and sheets.
It was a Super Sunday, indeed.
We recently found out that Spider-Husband’s Gramma’ B is in the hospital for pneumonia again. Winter is always a rough time for her, and unfortunately, in recent years, she’s had to celebrate her birthday, which is on New Year’s Eve, in a hospital bed. Spider-Husband and I went to see her a couple days ago, but I’m still getting over a cold so I opted to stay in the car while he ran into visit and thus missed what might be my favorite Gramma’ B moment ever.
Spider-Husband: What have you been doing?
Gramma’ B: Not much. I’ve been watching this show about Paula Abdul.
Spider-Husband: Oh yeah?
(Clearly stunned since neither of us knew “Hey Paula” was still on the air and are a little horrified that Bravo thought the holiday season was the ideal time to show reruns of the total reality trainwreck. ‘Cause nothing fills the heart with Christmas joy like lots of crying, over the top drama, and near nervous celebrity breakdowns.)
Gramma’ B: Poor, poor Paula. She just works so hard and does so much and she’s so hungry and no one will give her any food.
(Which, of course, begs the questions, “What in the hell are you talking about?” and “Where exactly is Paula that she can’t find any sustenance?”)
Spider-Husband: Oh. Um. OK.
Now at a complete loss for words, my husband politely finished his visit then headed to the car to get me up to speed on Paula’s dietary needs. We both cracked up hysterically, chalked it up to Gramma’ B’s meds, and figured that was the most likely the extent of Gramma’ B’s fascination with Paula and her plight. And, then a few hours later, the phone rang…
Gramma’ B: I wanted to ask you something. Is Paula’s last name Jabbar?
Spider-Husband: You mean like Kareem Abdul-Jabbar?
Gramma’ B: Yes.
Spider-Husband: Uh, no. And, his real name is Lew Alcindor, but he changed it to Kareem Abdul-Jabbar when he became a Muslim.
Gramma’ B: Huh.
Spider-Husband: They aren’t related, Gramma’.
Gramma’ B: Alright. ’Cause I just wondered.
Filed under: The Adventures, The Blonde, The Disaster Twins, The Husband | Tags: Christmas 2008, opening presents, Spider-Husband, The Disaster Twins
Here’s what five minutes and a super small budget will get you at the Blonde estate on Christmas morning…
Filed under: The Adventures, The Blonde, The Family, The Husband | Tags: back to blogging, Christmas 2008, Fall, Halloween, work travel
In a perfect world, I’d have created a fun-filled video slideshow with pictures of all the important events and exciting adventures that the Blonde, her hot stuff Spider-Husband, and our amazing wonder pups had enjoyed since the last time we spoke. But, really, what fun would that be?
Instead, I’ll just hit the highlights and you can fill in the blanks. Just imagine a really cool montage with super cute pictures, and I know, it can even be set to the music of your choice! Something really cliché like “I Hope You Had the Time of Your Life” or maybe a little “Wind Beneath My Wings” – oh yeah, you’re feeling it, aren’t you?
It’s the Fall of the Blonde in fifty seconds or less…
Joined a book club.
Flew to Colorado in mid-October to hang out with a bunch of electrical workers and contractors for work.
Managed to get an ear infection in both ears and visited the very scary, but open on a Sunday clinic to get an antibiotic.
Carved pumpkins with Spider-Husband for Halloween. Planned to make mine a winking girl pumpkin, but after an unfortunate slip of the knife, revised my design and carved a Frankenpumpkin instead.
Finished reading Eat, Pray, Love in the waiting room during a trip to the doctor to figure out why my ears hurt worse than they did before I went to the clinic and why it hurts to swallow.
Missed my book club meeting after doctor shoots me up with corticosteroids and sends me to the emergency room to monitor my breathing after discovering I’m having a big-time allergic reaction to the antibiotic.
Finally painted the master bedroom and hung up pictures we’ve had since our wedding.
Stood in line for two hours to vote absentee.
Flew to Hoboken for work. Spent the first night at the hotel trying to pretend not to hear the very loud couple having very loud escapades during the very early hours after midnight. Spent subsequent night praying that the very mom-like, very middle-age woman I saw enter the adjoining room is NOT the woman I heard moaning and thrashing about the previous evening.
Cheered in complete amazement with the Spider-Husband when Indiana is called blue for the presidential election.
Read A Tree Grows in Brooklyn for book club. Struggled the entire way through, but managed to finish before our meeting.
Watched our daily exercise routine come to a grinding halt as temperatures dropped to near freezing with no signs of improving until after the winter.
Bought a treadmill that we can’t afford to avoid having to purchase a gym membership that we can’t afford either.
Discovered that exact treadmill is $200 cheaper online with no shipping charges direct from the manufacturer. Returned to Sears for the second time that day after verbal confirmation via phone that the manager would match the price.
Marveled that a treadmill that has an iPod dock, a digital control panel, a built-in fan, custom workout programs, and touch-screen technology has managed to have no place to prop a book or magazine.
Booked our long-awaited, two-years-of-saving-up-for-trip to Hawaii. Joined Spider-Husband and the chows in a happy dance to celebrate Maui in May followed immediately by a panic attack when our savings account balance plummets.
Visited Anderson for Thanksgiving with my extended family. Finally figured out the perfect baking time and temperature for my corn casserole recipe, but managed to completely destroy my mother-in-law’s homemade macaroni and cheese recipe in the process. Returned home with one empty casserole dish and two pound of overcooked, crusty, chewy macaroni for Spider-Husband’s dining pleasure.
Realized we have no money for Christmas this year once we hit the day after Thanksgiving sales. Pulled out the dusty Visa and crossed our fingers that our current eBay auctions will cover what we spent on gifts.
Enjoyed an afternoon shopping with my Aunt Donna, my sister Traci, and my niece Simony-Mony. Received frantic phone call from a still shocked Spider-Husband who ran into Lowes to return a light bulb and returned to find a John McCain bumper sticker stuck on top of his prized Obama sticker on the back of his magical mystery machine.
Flew to Las Vegas for work. Forced to wear a turtleneck every day to hide the giant hives that are all over my neck and shoulders after another allergic reaction to who knows what lest the conference attendees not freak out thinking they’re buying books from a leper at our booth during the show.
Got promoted.
Reunited with my former coworkers at the first ever Peterson PIO Christmas Party. Kicked in the ass by karma after stealing books from pregnant mommy-to-be in the White Elephant gift exchange and wound up taking my copy of Darby O’Gill and the Little People and Spider-Husband’s Desert Shield Trading Cards back home. Thanks Paul and Kelly. : )
Went Christmas shopping with Spider-Husband and his Mom.
Read The Glass Castle and picked January book club selection – The Lovely Bones.
Suggested Spider-Husband and I have a low-budget Christmas in light of the treadmill and Hawaii purchase – $25 each plus a $25 gift certificate for Amazon. Learned he intended to buy me a Wii after the fact. Managed not to weep openly and beg for a renegotiation of terms.
Took two weeks off work for the holidays. Spent first few days caring for a sick Spider-Husband. Spider-Husband spent last few days caring for a sick Blonde.
Put the Christmas tree and stockings up less than a week before Christmas after vowing that I wasn’t pulling decorations out of the garage this year.
Drove to Lowell for Christmas with the Duncans.
Drove to Greenwood for Christmas with the Trents.
Drove to Anderson for Christmas Eve with my Grandma.
Opened Christmas presents with Spider-Husband and the Disaster Twins. Went back to bed five minutes later.
Headed to my brother’s house for a Christmas Day breakfast with my Mom, Michael, his wife, and her family. Left after presents were done to spend rest of the day sick in bed.
Waited over an hour to see Marley and Me. Wept uncontrollably throughout the movie and emerged looking like Tammy Faye after a wicked crying jag.
Which brings us to about now.
Filed under: The Adventures, The Peeps | Tags: 8 Minute Abs, exercise videos, working out
So, it’s possible that I may be the only person left on earth who actually owns the 8 Minute Abs workout tape. In fact, I was such a fan that I own not only the VHS version of the workout, but a more recent DVD version with the bonus 8 Minute Arms workout, too. After too many close calls with my aging VCR, I couldn’t risk not having a back up on hand.
There was a time when Mama Z and I sprawled out on our ugly grey apartment carpeting daily to basic crunch, push through, and toe touch our way to rock hard, er slightly less distended, abs with Jaime Brenkus and his two faithful exercise pals. And, after several weeks of hard work and dedication, we totally rocked that workout.
We knew every move by heart. We could recite Jaime’s entire dialogue at a moment’s notice. We laughed and mocked when our then boyfriends, Papa Z and Spider-Husband, had to take a breather mid-tape. It was awesome.
Sadly, that time has long since passed.
This evening Spider-Husband and I decided to revisit the glory days and bust out the 8 Minute Abs DVD. After all, “these exercises are safe, effective, and they are fun!”
Yeah, not so much.
Filed under: The Adventures, The Blonde, The Husband | Tags: ladies wallet, leather anniversary, leather anniversary gifts, lime green wallet, third anniversary
I’ll admit it. The leather anniversary caused me a shitload of anxiety.
And, it wasn’t just over what to buy Spider-Husband.
I was way more frightened of what gift o’ leather I might receive than the gift I would give. We’re not exactly leather people. We’re more of a faux fashion family, which is challenging enough with out dragging ourselves down to the level of pleather. I mean, really, we do have some pride.
So after reviewing what options were out there, then eliminating shoes, belts, watchbands, briefcases, day planners, and all the other stuff I don’t use from the list, the only leather items left were more appropriate for the biker in The Village People or, even more disturbing, the Pulp Fiction Gimp, neither of which exactly scream “Happy Anniversary Hon’!”
I was seriously concerned. And as usual…I was proven wrong.
I present Spider-Husband, anniversary gift purchaser extraordinaire, who also thought of shoes, belts, and I probably don’t want to know what else before deciding on a wallet for his Blonde bride.
And, I’m not talking just any old wallet here, but a super-cool lime green wallet with a tres hip multi-colored liner and lots of slots to put your stuff:
And before you ask…it’s nothing like the one I already owned.
Damn you Spider-Husband. You are again victorious.
At least until our fruit and flowers anniversary…then I will reign supreme.
