The Blonde Leading the Blind

Survivor truly hit an all new low last night.

What?  Don’t even act like you don’t watch a show or two that you should be ashamed of yourself for watching.  There’s a reason why The Real World, The Bachelor, The Amazing Race, and Flavor of Love are all still on the air, and the ratings aren’t coming from The Blonde household.  (I’ll take credit for Season One of Flavor of Love and the first nine seasons of The Real World, except Miami and London - they were terrible, but that’s where I draw the line.)

So, most of my horror focuses on the immunity challenge that involved the contestants standing on buckets with their arms extended above their heads and tied to a string that would dump a barrel full of water down on them if the lowered their arms too far.  The last one left dry was the big winner.

I could spend hours reconstructing the ten minutes of drama it took for this event to unfold onscreen, but the memories are far too painful.  So, if you missed this episode, you’ll probably feel a little confused as I gloss over the highlights below…

First off, Erik, who spent the previous evening gorging on a Micronesian feast only to spend the night puking after insisting on partaking of betel nut and some type of tribal home brew beer, waited for what, 30 seconds?, before making a deal with Cirie to abandon the challenge to share a bowl of what can only be described as the bottom rung of the candy food chain.  Were those actually Gummi rings and Jujubees?  Come on people, that’s the kind of candy your kids are trading up for apples and granola bars on Halloween.

Fast forward ahead to the final two left standing in the challenge - Parvati who has a strong alliance…heck, she has two or three of them, and Jason who is most likely to be voted out if he loses the challenge, but when tempted with pizza, crappy candy, cookies and doughnuts for the entire group, decides he wants to start trusting the very people conspiring to vote him out.

I honestly don’t know if I was more horrified that he willingly dropped out of the challenge after more than five hours of pain because the other tribe members (none of which have ever lied, cheated, or stabbed anyone in the back) told him they wouldn’t vote for him…or Cirie and Alexis who made the promise, but crossed their fingers behind their back.  Are there really people out there who believe that if you cross your fingers when lying to someone’s face it negates the promise you’ve just made?  Hells bells!  It’s a good thing they don’t have a calendar out there because then every Wednesday could be Opposite Day, and we’d all get a big laugh.

Finally, we move on to the debacle that became Tribal Council.  Between James‘ doughnut speech that was only intelligible to his fellow tribe members, most likely due to the heightened sense of dementia brought on by the dehydration, living off the land, wearing the same underwear/swimsuit for weeks, and sleep deprived lifestyle caused by the entire Survivor experience and Ozzy’s massive ‘tude and shock over getting voted out despite being warned that the other members of his alliance were all getting bad vibes before heading to Tribal, I almost had a seizure.  

It was fantastic.