We recently found out that Spider-Husband’s Gramma’ B is in the hospital for pneumonia again. Winter is always a rough time for her, and unfortunately, in recent years, she’s had to celebrate her birthday, which is on New Year’s Eve, in a hospital bed. Spider-Husband and I went to see her a couple days ago, but I’m still getting over a cold so I opted to stay in the car while he ran into visit and thus missed what might be my favorite Gramma’ B moment ever.
Spider-Husband: What have you been doing?
Gramma’ B: Not much. I’ve been watching this show about Paula Abdul.
Spider-Husband: Oh yeah?
(Clearly stunned since neither of us knew “Hey Paula” was still on the air and are a little horrified that Bravo thought the holiday season was the ideal time to show reruns of the total reality trainwreck. ‘Cause nothing fills the heart with Christmas joy like lots of crying, over the top drama, and near nervous celebrity breakdowns.)
Gramma’ B: Poor, poor Paula. She just works so hard and does so much and she’s so hungry and no one will give her any food.
(Which, of course, begs the questions, “What in the hell are you talking about?” and “Where exactly is Paula that she can’t find any sustenance?”)
Spider-Husband: Oh. Um. OK.
Now at a complete loss for words, my husband politely finished his visit then headed to the car to get me up to speed on Paula’s dietary needs. We both cracked up hysterically, chalked it up to Gramma’ B’s meds, and figured that was the most likely the extent of Gramma’ B’s fascination with Paula and her plight. And, then a few hours later, the phone rang…
Gramma’ B: I wanted to ask you something. Is Paula’s last name Jabbar?
Spider-Husband: You mean like Kareem Abdul-Jabbar?
Gramma’ B: Yes.
Spider-Husband: Uh, no. And, his real name is Lew Alcindor, but he changed it to Kareem Abdul-Jabbar when he became a Muslim.
Gramma’ B: Huh.
Spider-Husband: They aren’t related, Gramma’.
Gramma’ B: Alright. ‘Cause I just wondered.
The Blonde Leading the Blind 