The Blonde Leading the Blind

In a perfect world, I’d have created a fun-filled video slideshow with pictures of all the important events and exciting adventures that the Blonde, her hot stuff Spider-Husband, and our amazing wonder pups had enjoyed since the last time we spoke. But, really, what fun would that be?

Instead, I’ll just hit the highlights and you can fill in the blanks. Just imagine a really cool montage with super cute pictures, and I know, it can even be set to the music of your choice! Something really cliché like “I Hope You Had the Time of Your Life” or maybe a little “Wind Beneath My Wings” – oh yeah, you’re feeling it, aren’t you?

It’s the Fall of the Blonde in fifty seconds or less…

Joined a book club.

Flew to Colorado in mid-October to hang out with a bunch of electrical workers and contractors for work.

Managed to get an ear infection in both ears and visited the very scary, but open on a Sunday clinic to get an antibiotic.

Carved pumpkins with Spider-Husband for Halloween. Planned to make mine a winking girl pumpkin, but after an unfortunate slip of the knife, revised my design and carved a Frankenpumpkin instead.

Finished reading Eat, Pray, Love in the waiting room during a trip to the doctor to figure out why my ears hurt worse than they did before I went to the clinic and why it hurts to swallow.

Missed my book club meeting after doctor shoots me up with corticosteroids and sends me to the emergency room to monitor my breathing after discovering I’m having a big-time allergic reaction to the antibiotic.

Finally painted the master bedroom and hung up pictures we’ve had since our wedding.

Stood in line for two hours to vote absentee.

Flew to Hoboken for work. Spent the first night at the hotel trying to pretend not to hear the very loud couple having very loud escapades during the very early hours after midnight. Spent subsequent night praying that the very mom-like, very middle-age woman I saw enter the adjoining room is NOT the woman I heard moaning and thrashing about the previous evening.

Cheered in complete amazement with the Spider-Husband when Indiana is called blue for the presidential election.

Read A Tree Grows in Brooklyn for book club. Struggled the entire way through, but managed to finish before our meeting.

Watched our daily exercise routine come to a grinding halt as temperatures dropped to near freezing with no signs of improving until after the winter.

Bought a treadmill that we can’t afford to avoid having to purchase a gym membership that we can’t afford either.

Discovered that exact treadmill is $200 cheaper online with no shipping charges direct from the manufacturer. Returned to Sears for the second time that day after verbal confirmation via phone that the manager would match the price.

Marveled that a treadmill that has an iPod dock, a digital control panel, a built-in fan, custom workout programs, and touch-screen technology has managed to have no place to prop a book or magazine.

Booked our long-awaited, two-years-of-saving-up-for-trip to Hawaii. Joined Spider-Husband and the chows in a happy dance to celebrate Maui in May followed immediately by a panic attack when our savings account balance plummets.

Visited Anderson for Thanksgiving with my extended family. Finally figured out the perfect baking time and temperature for my corn casserole recipe, but managed to completely destroy my mother-in-law’s homemade macaroni and cheese recipe in the process. Returned home with one empty casserole dish and two pound of overcooked, crusty, chewy macaroni for Spider-Husband’s dining pleasure.

Realized we have no money for Christmas this year once we hit the day after Thanksgiving sales. Pulled out the dusty Visa and crossed our fingers that our current eBay auctions will cover what we spent on gifts.

Enjoyed an afternoon shopping with my Aunt Donna, my sister Traci, and my niece Simony-Mony.  Received frantic phone call from a still shocked Spider-Husband who ran into Lowes to return a light bulb and returned to find a John McCain bumper sticker stuck on top of his prized Obama sticker on the back of his magical mystery machine.

Flew to Las Vegas for work. Forced to wear a turtleneck every day to hide the giant hives that are all over my neck and shoulders after another allergic reaction to who knows what lest the conference attendees not freak out thinking they’re buying books from a leper at our booth during the show.

Got promoted.

Reunited with my former coworkers at the first ever Peterson PIO Christmas Party.  Kicked in the ass by karma after stealing books from pregnant mommy-to-be in the White Elephant gift exchange and wound up taking my copy of Darby O’Gill and the Little People and Spider-Husband’s Desert Shield Trading Cards back home.  Thanks Paul and Kelly.  :  )

Went Christmas shopping with Spider-Husband and his Mom.

Read The Glass Castle and picked January book club selection – The Lovely Bones.

Suggested  Spider-Husband and I have a low-budget Christmas in light of the treadmill and Hawaii purchase – $25 each plus a $25 gift certificate for Amazon. Learned he intended to buy me a Wii after the fact.  Managed not to weep openly and beg for a renegotiation of terms.

Took two weeks off work for the holidays.  Spent first few days caring for a sick Spider-Husband.  Spider-Husband spent last few days caring for a sick Blonde.

Put the Christmas tree and stockings up less than a week before Christmas after vowing that I wasn’t pulling decorations out of the garage this year.

Drove to Lowell for Christmas with the Duncans.

Drove to Greenwood for Christmas with the Trents.

Drove to Anderson for Christmas Eve with my Grandma.

Opened Christmas presents with Spider-Husband and the Disaster Twins.  Went back to bed five minutes later.

Headed to my brother’s house for a Christmas Day breakfast with my Mom, Michael, his wife, and her family.  Left after presents were done to spend rest of the day sick in bed.

Waited over an hour to see Marley and Me.  Wept uncontrollably throughout the movie and emerged looking like Tammy Faye after a wicked crying jag.

Which brings us to about now.